ON DESTRUCTION (OR… WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH WOMEN?)
Hey, love! Post comes a little later than Friday because mid–term paper deadline, Sorry!
I fear sometimes just in how many ways we have shaped our lives by someone's 'advice' based, perhaps, with the best of intentions and all but, not having One Clue about who we are, what we want and what's better for Us… and How Could They, honestly? They are Not inside our heads. Do not have our minds. Haven't Experienced our Experiences or Felt Our Feelings, either.
Advice is like taking a piece of inner wisdom, paint–up the ugly parts and offer as a Life Saver. But, should we even listen, sometimes? Or is it Only by Knowing Ourselves Better we can choose to take said advice or not, or just a part of it, and, even then, take it with a pinch of salt…
I began noticing this living through my sister's slowly–sinking–ship marriage three years ago, when my first–time–truly–committed–to relationship of mine was falling apart, as well.
We would end an hour–and–a–half phone call leaving me wondering… "Did she knew all along what I talked about was My Particular Experience with My–Then–Partner? Or was she reflecting my problems onto hers, advising me based on things she did not liked about Her Husband?" Hey… Thanks for the Monologue though, I Guess! ^_^ It's good to have "Some" Catharsis, sometimes. Because, Sometimes, it gets messy, mixed and confusing when you are Rambling on a Particular Situation about Your Man, you know? And just as a friend who knows and loves you reacts and tries to help out, explaining what she would Do:
According to Her Experience it can get all mingled, and jumpy–into–too–early–fuckin'–conclusions, PERHAPS, if you are not aware of the before–mentioned, right?
After our often long conversations back then, I always tried to live Clear to her thanks for "listening" and remind her that it wasn't my ex's fault we didn't work out together, it was 50/50 share but that sadly, it had just been another Major Learning experience for me, that the pain felt was due to mismatched expectations about many things in life – From "what's to rest, watch t.v. All Day to, can we Go Out again because we are Not Seventy, yet?" simple–stupid–questions, to music and food…– we couldn't find the way to reconnect to each other because the very things that brought us together in the first place no longer existed in our relationship: Respect and Fun. I know you probably think I was being Judgy there but, he asked me once "what weirdo–New–hipster–band was I playing on shuffle now?" listening (for the first Fucking Time, I bet) to "Come Together" from re–mastered Abbey Road I IMMEDIATELY burned after purchase. I mean, Co… COME ON, MAN! Needed to count to ten to stop myself from Let–the–Poke–Session–Begin, sometimes!
As I mentioned on On Ex–Partners about two weeks ago… I was confused this one time my ex shared a story on how his best friend's ex–girlfriend pulled a knife on him when they broke up... – ??? – Of course… stared with a WTF–You–Are–Shittin'–Me–Face while he was sharing the story, because there's always Two Sides of it, even more so, on bad ones.
However, how Bad can a story get to decide you need to make Your Point Heard or Understood by Literally Threatening the Personal Wellbeing of the Man You Are Supposed to Love.
That's right, man! Coo–Coo!
Did he told you "You are not the one he's looking for", perhaps? Ye… didn't thought so EITHER. Did he acted like genuinely Not Interested in you, and decided He Was The One for you, anyways? How skilled–person are you to blind yourself from the Truth, despite His Actions Do Not TELL YOU that He Is In Love With You? If you ask me, well… Lady, you need a lesson of manners asap for one, and TWO, everyone is FREE to chose the person they want to spent their lives with, DON'T YOU THINK?
I can't Be on a man's Shoes, not ONLY because I don't have a penis, but… because they are ALL possibly – POSSIBLY! – facing up the exact same fears and insecurities you are facing yourself. Now, I am NO EXPERT AT ALL, you know, given I am myself Single, haha! ^_^ But if you ask me, manipulating or, even worse, forcing a peRson to be with you is not the way that leads to a Loving, Long Term Relationship, is it?
My big–sister made her point and Allowed me to begin asking myself some... No, fuck that: All–my–life–basically advice she had given me, by "advising" the worst thing I could have thought of advising someone going through the worst break–up of their lives, as I was then. We were together for nearly 6 years and, as I said before, we Didn't Work together, but that doesn't mean it would give me Any Right to disrespect him, belittle him, humiliate him… or Threat His Life pulling a knife on him. I was on the phone talking to her, while I was walking to the laundry place I liked a few blocks from home, he stayed on the apartment we rented together which wasn't that far away, and as he was probably driving somewhere he saw me crossing the street, it had been just a couple of months since I left him and, since this was a one way street, he hurried to park his car somewhere and followed me to the laundry place to talk. So, as I arrived there and began doing my thing, still talking to my sister, he came in and stayed on the front door, not even entering, just looking at me, grinning and respecting still the distance I left clear that day I said goodbye to him. We stared in silence, probably for half a minute, I was surprised to see him, of course! I told my sister "Hey, hmmm _______ just came in, call you back?" And sadly, I will never forget her advice on this situation, she said "What?! Tell Him You Are Busy Talking to Me. In fact, don't even Look at Him, Ignore Him and leave him standing there as long as he likes…" To which my natural answer was: "What The Actual Fuck, man! No, I could never Do That to the guy I was for 6 years and shared a bed with for the last two… Girl, what is Wrong with You? All right, we're gonna talk about this, because, really? Have You Ever Done That to someone you shared a Relationship with, man? NOT COOL" Hanged up the phone and had a calm, painful yes, but sort of comforting and closure conversation with this Man.
Now, am not saying would get back together with him or that we became besties after that but, still, show respect for the person you once chose to move–in together with and didn't work things out, should not give you leeway to treat him in a minor way.
Perhaps You Have Experiences with emotionally abusive partners, but even then, you hold 50% of the responsibility for going along with that. Yeah, Take Responsibility, man! Blaming is the easiest part of Victimizing Yourself, take responsibility also for things falling apart on your account… one way or another.
One of the reasons I feel angry about my last break up is "problems" with my ex's best friend and girlfriend. They love each other, we can all see that.
However, what I don't Understand is Why In Order to Reassure The Love They Have for Each Other: Create Drama, Problems, Gossip and Lies around to make–up this Theatre Play to Reassure this Love between them.
It exasperate me Why Do I have to put up with their disrespectfulness to keep the Status Quo, or rocking it if you may, because they Clearly Don't Like Me. What the Eff? Haven't done One Disrespectful display towards them, and yet, specially this girl, manages to behave disrespectfully each time we happen to run to each other. Why Would I Have to Be The One Who Sets a Limit to her un–educated, disrespectful ass, honestly?
You know, given she doesn't pay my rent, buys my groceries… or am in any Owe of Any Kind with her? What One–more–fuckin'–love–life–adversity–issue "added–value–bullshit" is this?
And more importantly, Why Would It Supposedly Be Me Who Explained The Following to this immature brat, which BTW! Would Have NOTHING to do With "DESTROY" HER:
That the way to demonstrate her Love to her partner is not (or shouldn't be) by creating Any Drama. Or Jealousy WTF–Scenes, or Dramas–Over–Dramas creating possible problems with His Partner's Best friend, marking–up territory like an Alpha Male would "Tssssss… This Shit Is Mine"… which the woman he dated a long time ago would "have to put up with"? Or putting their Health at risk?
It's Inconsistency that makes me nervous (and doubting!) about people's Actions. Not intentions. Which on This case is plain immaturity and Not Giving One Mindless Fuck About the people involved here… including me.
I mean, Why create a Tremendously Complex Theatrics where she provokes unnecessary drama on one side, and on the other brings dope to this guy's place to party, make clear she Likes to Party Hard offering people to sniff stuff around (including me)… never minding some people are aware (INCLUDING ME!) that Perhaps this "stuff" is something she found on his Un–Attended, Un–Secured Anesthesiologist Retired Father's medicine cabinet? And I did sniff "stuff" on my heavy–party years as well, but never faced the physical–symptoms they had after sniffing… which got me thinking immediately to myself "Why Are You Like This? Why are You always unconsciously measuring consequences by possibly not–very–reliable–people you randomly meet?" The Danger am talking about is letting your partner sniff your stuff after having a can of Red Bull and Alcohol afterwards.
I mean, the sniffing Alone is enough, haha! If you ask me… and, since 3D–Printed–Hearts are Un–Affordable shit still these days, or at least for the time being, wouldn't allowing that be Overly Dangerous for the guy you are dating who Works His Ass Off managing a start–up company… along with the best friend, who is also one All–Hail Early Riser #1 Party Fan and works with him, btw… To Mutate 6 months later (… X–Men Level) to Saint–Housewife–Mistress–Patron Lady who has everyone around them surprised by the Change?
Let's put something clear here – She Loves Him, ye… We Get It.
But HOW COME IS IT OK THEN FOR HER TO KEEP DISRESPECTING PEOPLE AROUND, IF THIS MAN HAS SHOWN HER HE LOVES HER BACK, AS WELL?
Because as I gather from the All Time Gossiping around this… perhaps "90's Melrose Place Drama", is that this guy already took her to meet the parents, moved–in with her, have an adorable dog together…
So, Why the Fuck Other people have to Suffer the Reassurances they'd probably be happier sharing between each other alone? Why Do They Keep Bringing Co–Stars to Play on their project Together?
In the Manipulating Game we cling ourselves to play, without even realizing it, we could be Playing totally against The Very Thing We Want The Most.
I mean, if they Love each other… Right On, Man! I don't know, get married, be happy, have endless cuddles, nurture and dance (on coke if you want!) the hell out! Because there's Nothing Wrong with wanting a person in your life so bad that you are somehow Willing to Do all those theatrics to keep it nicely salty-sweet-sour-and-spicy to keep it going.
There are better (read: healthier!) ways, however, to let someone Know you Love Her/Him. Like letting people go if they want, at heart. Trust Only They Know what is Best for Themselves. It has nothing to do with you, perhaps, but They Are FREE to chose you in return, in case you've chosen them. Or not, WHATEVER.
It's Their decision to make, Not Yours.
Now, my–more–thoughtful anger with this teenager mess is just That.
WHY Do I Have to be the Person who Explains This? Why Can't People Just Respect You Back If You Haven't Been in Anyway Disrespectful with them?
When we first started going out, she told my ex "It couldn't be that someone as Beautiful as I was being single… That It Was Sure Because I Was Crazy, perhaps" Haha! ^_^ Would have LOVED to be there and explain to her that, growing up amongst the few women in my family who understood being Pretty as her Curse ever since she can remember. I learned to measure danger by avoiding getting grabbed by drunk, or under some other influence perhaps, men on the ever constant parties and reunions I found myself playing alone, or going to my fav–corner on the studio with my best friends back then: GameBoy, Walkman and then–current Book.
You think Your Childhood Problems are The Only Problems That Should Matter to ALL People, Really?
Well, well… Forgive me, but… When you Dare to stop needing for other people's approval to Love your partner freely and unconditionally, perhaps you will Finally Get What Your Heart Desires.
QUIT DESTROYING, For Fucks Sake!
Quit the co–pilot seat and remove your Fears and Insecurities from your life's Drivers seat, will you? You know the only thing that's standing on the way to your own Happiness, is You… right?
When you are ready, You immature, selfish, little mindless, disrespectful ass–hole…
When. You. Are. Ready.
(Because That Partner of yours, As He Shows It, has been ready for a while now… )
ALL RIGHT, MAN!
ENJOY YOUR SUNDAY, DANCING LIKE...