ON AUTHENTICITY AND BEING ALONE
If you think life is difficult providing yourself with tools and knowledge to become who YOU really want to be, try to be someone else, better yet, try to be who everyone else, but you, wants you to be… That's a perfect recipe to live a long unhappy, shitty life.
Like I explain on my introduction to you, I spent plenty of time on my own since I was a kid. One side I thought came "automatically" with every person I met or interacted at school with, I thought, was used to spend time on their own as well and, like me, be completely fine and comfortable with it.
However, as I grew–up came to learn how many people I know are not at ease being by their–selves. Like simply coming to a restaurant and ask a Table For One is Foreign land. Organize date nights with oneself, doing whatever pleases them haven't even cross their mind (for me, a bathtub, light candles with a soothing scent, the book I am reading at the time and a glass of wine make one of my top favorites). Least other activities that society and media tells us it's only enjoyable by doing them in company, like going to the movies alone: Fucking Unthinkable.
We are constantly bombarded everywhere by telling us that if we Don't have the prefect relationship or in constant company of others it's because people don't like us, that we are stuck, or behind on the social scale of 'out-going-ness', or Inadequate.
If you are struggling by the feeling of loneliness, I cannot urge you more to begin having date–nights alone to please you.
If you don't enjoy yourself. If you don't become your best friend, your best company, talk to yourself the same way you would talk and treat the love of your life – No person in the world, no matter how hot, how interesting and nice, will ever fill that void for you.
Of course, one down side – if we can call it that – could be perhaps, becoming too comfortable by being alone. But, you know what? Once you pass the shyness that creeps–in sometimes with laughing by yourself in public spaces (remembering one of your misdeeds), you are set to actually let someone in ;)
If you feel your life is currently lack oF sexiness, turn off the t.v. every night when you get home after work and stay still. Look around you. I bet there's a chance you haven't thought about not turning the t.v. on when you get home as a reaction to kill silence.
Listen to yourself. When was the last time you played your favorite playlist while cooking a delicious dinner for yourself?
When was the last time you danced giving a shit if someone, or an entire group of people, is watching.
When was the last time you had a hot bath after work to relax, followed by a beer looking at old pictures.
When was the last time you called to ask your brother or best friend about his interpretation on that experience you guys lived together, I bet there WILL be a few hard laughs.
When was the last time you felt horny for days in a row but didn't masturbate? Stop bitting yourself about feeling it's strange or for losers. Come close to your body, touch it, feel it. Know yourself more to become aware of what you like… and not so much.
Yeah. That's how you look holding up the urge, that itch in your pants. waiting to have someone to please you.
My point is, there's no way finding your authentic self by staying safely in the company of others or silencing your thoughts on t.v. ALL THE TIME and not knowing or exploring yourself, the dialogues going on inside your mind. Your turn–ons, desires or kinks.
Therapy can help, BY THE WAY. jUST SAYING.
My most two treasured lessons from going to therapy have been these – First, find a therapist with whom you feel comfortable to discuss with, to get upset with, to cry with and who sees your bullshit straight ahead before you do. It could take some time, but I have found if a session feels like a fucking cheerleading routine – I am wasting my money, and I Already Have Amazing Friends to cheer between each other. Second, make sure he or she helps you find out what your demons are, those you believe prevent you from enjoying your own company.
Honesty in life is a virtue, honesty with your therapist is a challenge.
Later found in time how to make peace with my demons. She helped me learned it was my demons that pushed me into both good and bad experiences my whole life. I found it was my demons Protecting me from getting Hurt that Saved my Rebel–Self to become Myself in the first place.
Blaming your demons don't bring solutions. Embracing, listening and learning from them, does.
You don't radiate your authenticity by evading yourself. You become authentic by knowing yourself.
My authentic being is Dark, sometimes Over-Honest (which, I've learned doesn't make everyone comfortable around me). Sarcastic yet Respectful. Funny – Using irony and black humor as allies. And, as I've been told by overs, angel–faced demon in bed.