Angel, innocent faced (Been told)
Sincere laugh (Love to get compliments on)
Deep voice and black humor (Also known)
Snore when tired… or drunk (Nobody's perfect)
I am a tall, skinny brunette. Being independent to buy my own things and work on something I love has been my dream since childhood.
I was very 'sensual' since I was a kid, something that, I'd bet, scared my mother. Mostly, she would just demand I took off the black-tulle I wrapped myself into to practice 3rd and 4th basic positions from ballet class – Being an alcoholic recovering from her divorce to my dad my whole childhood meant I had plenty of time spend on my own, reading books from the study I wasn't allowed to, or stay up late watching adult films on HBO.
However, this side of me grew silent as life went by and I never allowed myself to pay attention to it again, until now.
I am telling you this because at some point, I honestly thought life could be set on automatic pilot and I would just be happy… So, after living several years alone, finally moved in with the first guy I truly committed and having a job I decently liked… why wasn't I, then?
One day, I came home and felt utterly and completely lost. Days, weeks and months after that began feeling constantly stressed, overworked, tired all the time and in general, feeling my life like "Who am I doing this for? Who am I trying to please?" only to find myself coming back to the same not-so-cheering damn answer every day – I wasn't happy.
So, I came back to see my therapist after seven years.
Of course, after a few sessions, two books and several bottles of wine I did what every grown up, hard working adult would: Totally deny there was a problem at first…
Then, slowly but surely, regain control over my life and learn again to see problems right in the face. Only then, I began enjoying myself once more, my body remembered I used to smile more, laugh more, and, inevitably, that sensuality screamed for some attention. So, after becoming single again on december 2015... My, oh, my! Life is full of surprises… if you let them unfold.
While I've heard so many people before say (Insert aunt Grace's voice tapping your nose here) "Well, you better endure because life doesn't owe you anything…", well, I think neither do us to life, to anybody. If we don't enjoy something, having done our best to make it work, remembering that ultimately decisions we made along the way got us where we are, why don't we just quit?
Sometimes quitting is the answer to honor our self-worth to move on in search for something greater. Wether that's a soul sucking job, (denying) a toxic relationship, aN UNHEALTHY habit…
I saw where my life was going, didn't felt appreciated at home, and I panic. Can't vulnerability be beautiful, too? Contemplate it, accept it and move on. I said to myself "This is your life. YOUR. LIFE." And felt that thirst again – To love waking up every morning, sunrises felt exciting again! – In reverse of feeling there was something off in my life all the time. I don't think curiosity killed the cat… Habit and conformity did. Curiosity keeps us going, learning and living.
Conformity is both not respecting yourself and the person sharing a bed with, receiving a paycheck every month from, and so on…
I am so grateful for the men sharing themselves with me throughout my life. Also, astounded when a guy opens up only to find out how awesome and good-hearted he is, sad thing is more often than not – he is not aware of it!
We are all fighting fears, insecurities, secret wishes we don't dare to share because we feel we might be rejected, keeping desires to ourselves so we don't face WHO WE REALLY ARE.
Until we do.
I decided to create this blog, then – intended to bE KIND OF a sex DIARY, A SPACE FOR sharING ideas and experiences with you, and about dressing life with dark smokey laughter.
Be warned though… I like romance but I am not corny, I can be cute but I am not girly (the only piece of pink in my life are sheer–lace THONGS).
I love laughing… Sometimes at the wrong things for many people (Like GoT's Ramsey re-introducing Sansa and Theon saying ❛Phew! I thought this would be weird…❜, anyone? LOL!
I enjoy that feeling of saying something people think twice about laughing and watch their reaction… Or, my kind of people: Burst in laughter. Charles Chaplin said ❛A day without laughter is a waste❜. Couldn't agree more.